


of crop tops and god complexes

by ikonisch (discordinparadise)



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: M/M, and that changes everything, but jiwon adores him, he's closed his heart off, junhoe pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-03
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-08-16 19:07:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16501049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/discordinparadise/pseuds/ikonisch
Summary: Junhoe doesn't want to fall in love after so many failed attempts but sun-kissed skin, playful smiles, and distracting hands are telling him otherwise.





	of crop tops and god complexes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [13cmKONIC](https://archiveofourown.org/users/13cmKONIC/gifts).



It was three am when Junhoe held a conversation with Jiwon for the first time.

To be fair, he shouldn't have been there in the first place. He was just going through the supermarket with messy hair with a blue bandana tied up in it because he wasn't about to put in hair gel but he had too much of a headache to keep his hair down (the tips were getting long in his opinion, even though it barely reached past his ears), tired pink lips from binge-drinking a drink that he found out wasn't even _alcoholic_ when he realised that he wasn't getting buzzed one single bit, and round glasses perched on the end of his nose. He hadn't even bothered buttoning his shirt up completely and if he was about to complain that his shoulder was freezing where the fabric was slipping off it, then he was a failed man. So he was a mess, but his emotions were a mess too as well as his apartment so having time out of it was an absolute delight.

He shouldn't have been there though because he was vulnerable, high on emotions and there was a chance that he wouldn't be able to fight back if any stranger tried anything funny. Either that or he'd hurl himself at them in a frenzy, but that's a road we wouldn't like to travel down.

He moved at the speed of a snail as he walked through the store, taking comfort food and alcohol that would at least last him a week unless he decided to go psycho. But at one point, he lost balance of himself and his connection to the universe and it was bound to happen eventually since he was _really_ not in the right state of mind to do anything but lie face-flat on a couch, so one second he was alive and had nothing on his conscience, and the next he had crashed into a stack of cans and was sporting a bruised knee, sharp pain in his abdomen and, the worst of it all, hurt pride.

"Jesus Christ," Junhoe sighed tiredly, ignoring the warning look from the market's guard and another customer, and he set down his basket and slowly lowered himself down so he could start stacking up the cans again. As a struggling art student he was sure that he could do something this simple, and he was halfway through an absolute masterpiece in his eyes when someone gently touched his arm and Junhoe jerked in an overreaction and accidentally elbowed his work of art, thus leading it to topple and Junhoe just watched the cans splay out across the floor with sad, disappointed eyes.

"I'm sorry-"

"Do you really think I need to face more disappointment today?" Junhoe snapped but his voice just sounded small and wretched as he stuck out his foot to (fail to) stop a can from rolling under a storage surface. "God, now I'm going to have to start again and it's all your bloody fault, get _away_ from me-"

"No! I came to stop you, you don't need to do it, you don't work here-"

"I don't fucking care-"

"You said you don't need to face anymore disappointment and stacking cans is pretty darn disappointing, just let me do it, okay?"

Junhoe blinked then finally looked to see who the person is, and he froze for a moment. Not because the guy looked absolutely delectable in Junhoe's hazy, sleep-deprived mind, not because he had something on his face, not because he was downright trying to _tell Junhoe what to do_ which should lead to him getting executed if Junhoe ever had his way. But because, he was recognisable.

Junhoe knew him. Yeah, Junhoe knew him. Or knew of him. Or knew his name. Kim Jiwon. Actress, or hot purple-headed bunny. Knowing a name basically meant knowing a person, right?

Jiwon was staring at him too. Unabashedly. Shamelessly. Junhoe with all his envious self-esteem was pretty sure that he himself was quite gorgeous but he knew that that wasn't the case right now, not when he was tired and sensitive and he _knew_ he looked absolutely atrocious, just in a slightly prettier way than most people do on low days. So he shielded himself away from Jiwon, holding onto a can very tightly as he muttered, "I can do it myself."

Jiwon rolled his eyes and out of the corner of his eye, Junhoe checked him out a little longer because he realised that he was wearing a crop top. Definitely not a conventional one, it was a crop hoodie to be fair and he had sports shorts that almost reached the hem but a stretch of toned sun-kissed skin still peeked through and Junhoe was pretty sure that he was in love. That was, until the guy tried to take the can away from him and Junhoe nearly bit his head of.

"Calm down, tiger, I just want to do my job," Jiwon snorted amusedly, looking tired too so Junhoe reluctantly handed over the can, suddenly having the urge to please. And he stood there for a minute, completely closed off from normal behaviour before Jiwon looked up at him a moment later and gave him a confused nod, and Junhoe was quickly on his way again on his quest to make himself happier through food. And he was getting so, so _close_ , his eyes lighting up at the sight of eclairs and his favourite soda and his basket was bulging to the brim when he finally got to the service counter. He was too busy pulling the basket up onto the ledge to notice Jiwon gently tapping the lady at the counter's arm, whispering something in her ear, and so Junhoe was extremely surprised when he was face-to-face with a grinning Jiwon and not the familiar clerk who would usually scan his items.

"Hey, again," Junhoe said quietly, lowering his gaze as Jiwon started scanning his items, setting them to the side and a while passed before Junhoe perked up and realised that he should start filling the bag he brought with the stuff he was buying. He didn't get to see Jiwon trying to smile at him, nor did he see the flash of disappointment cross the elder's face when he realised that Junhoe wasn't about to engage in any sort of interaction. And Junhoe was content, humming to himself quietly as his glasses slipped to the end of his nose and he just let them, but he froze (again) when he heard, "So, anything up?"

Junhoe looked up out of habit, making eye contact with Jiwon and the guy considerably lit up while Junhoe just felt burdened by the far-too-warm irises meeting his but he couldn't look away now. So he rested a hand on the counter, saying decisively, "Yes. My heart's broken and my world is tearing apart as I speak, is that good enough?"

Oh shit. Junhoe hadn't meant that. He had been planning to say the stupidest comeback ever ('the sky') but nope, his mind always had to make him go off and seem like he had anger issues.

Jiwon stilled for a moment, face completely blank as his hand holding crystallised apricots hovered perfectly over the counter before he coughed and looked down, resuming his scanning. "That's terrible, I'm sorry."

"I don't need your pity."

"I'm sure you don't but I want to do something at the least. Want me to lend you my heart while you wait for yours to mend?"

Junhoe's eyes widened, his heart fluttering for a moment under his heavy coat and he could almost sense Jiwon's pleased beam, even if he wasn't looking at it.

"Jiwon."

"Junhoe."

"I'm not in the mood for smooth fuckery right now so scan my items and get out of my face."

And Jiwon actually shut up, leaving Junhoe space to appreciate this company much more through silence. Because that was the best type of company. Silence. But when Junhoe was about to leave, Jiwon ended up saying 'have a nice day' and that was more than enough to make Junhoe have to choke back on a few unwelcome, distasteful tears. He hated the fact he had to squeeze his eyes shut and clench his fists, he hated the fact he had to make his inner pain visible enough that he made Jiwon sharply take in a breath. And then Junhoe was looking up, lips in a soft, upset pout and eyes glassy as he murmured sadly, gentler than he had expected of himself, "I'm a mess."

Jiwon nodded, looking so worried but compassionate as he gingerly reached out a hand and pushed Junhoe's glasses up his nose so they weren't slipping precariously anymore. His finger just about brushed Junhoe's cheek which instantly flushed a little pink, but he was too upset to care.

"You're a beautiful mess, if that helps."

And Junhoe's breath was catching, something inside him blooming but the only things he did were throw money at Jiwon and take his bag quickly, leaving the supermarket without a word or notion of goodbye.

 

 

 

 

Their first steps to soulmatehood were not as much baby steps as it was a gargantuan, reluctant, paint-covered tumble. Just one. Junhoe hadn't meant to catch Jiwon spreading graffiti on one of Junhoe's favourite walls that were still plain in this hooligan-ridden town, and he definitely hadn't meant it all to end the way it did but maybe he shouldn't be complaining.

Jiwon was wide-eyed and frozen as Junhoe peered at the graffiti, scrutinising it with his trained eye. He didn't really have any trouble with catching Jiwon in the act, he couldn't care less, but if vandalism was done _badly_ then Junhoe would be outing the person to the police in an instant. It was what they deserved for adding monstrosity to an already deplorable world.

"I don't have any objections. You're good," Junhoe said with a curt nod and Jiwon slumped in relief, even though he looked confused, and then Junhoe was taking a step forwards but no closer. His and Jiwon's non-existent relationship thrived off of respectable distances. "But I still want to ask why."

"Because it's fun. Lets me hang onto a sense of crazy youth while everyone I know are growing up and acting all mature," Jiwon mumbled, pulling down his hood and Junhoe wanted to smile when he saw the familiar purple hair ruffling in the wind, an unruly masterpiece. So Junhoe took a step into no-man's-land without realising, gesturing that he wanted a spray-can and a slow grin spread onto Jiwon's face as he handed Junhoe a red one and the younger shook it, scanning the wall slowly as he wondered what he could add. Jiwon's art was simplistic as if it wasn't meant to be classified as _art_ in itself but an artistic scream of freedom, of waning adolescence. And as Jiwon neared him, just to stand next to him, Junhoe looked at him and saw something that made him make the split-second decision to reach out a hand to curl around Jiwon's gloved one, his grip tight and firm, and he definitely heard Jiwon's breath hitch. Junhoe didn't know what he was doing, he didn't know why he was doing what he was doing but it felt _right_ even just for a split-second under softly moonlit darkness and spluttering streetlights.

"I've been meaning to tell you," Junhoe began, his voice soft but blank-toned, "that you should get a life."

Jiwon gaped at him, completely taken aback and recoiling a little in hurt and Junhoe wasn't surprised. Maybe he was a little too blunt.

"I meant that you should get a life that you like. Sorry. It's just, seeing you out here like this, it shows you're not content."

There was a beat of silence before Jiwon's grip grew tighter and Junhoe could feel his will for more from life seep into the gesture. "Are you actually worrying about me?"

"Yeah. I don't know if you know but I am actually capable of doing that."

"You're the ice prince of school, blame me for not knowing."

"Warm things can make an ice prince melt."

"But it's cold out tonight."

"I'm not talking about the weather."

Jiwon didn't answer, only nodding and sucking in a breath, maybe because he had been holding his breath while they spoke. Junhoe had that effect on people. Not long passed before Junhoe started adding to the wall, switching expertly (by expertly, he means with a hidden large amount of struggle) between spray cans with one hand as he held onto Jiwon's with the other, their arms swinging slightly as he moved. And he didn't notice Jiwon's adoring, lingering gaze on him because he subconsciously didn't _want_ to notice it. That kind of look shouldn't be reserved for him.

"Junhoe."

"Jiwon."

"Why are you holding my hand?"

"Because you asked me to."

"No I didn't-"

"With your eyes. I could see it. And maybe I just want to, and if you don't then let go."

"No," Jiwon said quickly, sounding like he was almost panicking as he changed the messy hand hold into a proper, meaningful clamp and Junhoe's eyes widened because all of a sudden this meant more than he had wanted it to mean. "It's an honour."

"Why are you acting like you're a servant having an affair with a king?" Junhoe snorted, turning to raise his eyebrow at Jiwon as he threw the elder the spray can and Jiwon fumbled to catch it. And Junhoe wanted to talk more (a welcomed change to how he was usually like) but now he was actually looking at Jiwon, his words died in his throat. The guy didn't even look any more special than ever, he was just...Jiwon. Someone that Junhoe didn't know anything about nor did they converse much, limited to awkward hellos on the train, elated smiles on Jiwon's part and waves from Junhoe in the stands when their eyes met during basketball tournaments, and soft short talks at night in the supermarket. They weren't friends. They weren't anything. But Junhoe liked him and that was more than enough.

"So, um, lunch," Jiwon muttered, his eyes shifting as he turned away a little, rubbing the back of his neck. "Lunch is a fine thing."

Junhoe didn't know where he was going with this. "Sure is."

Jiwon's face crumpled a little and Junhoe's heart did the same. "Ugh, I thought that would just explain it in itself..."

"Explain what?"

"That I...you know...lunch. You. Me. Lunch. Cuisine. Date. Oh shit, I said it, I'm great."

This time, Junhoe's heart might have actually stopped.

"Are you serious?" Junhoe asked loudly but even then his voice sounded incredibly distant and unfamiliar, like his ears weren't working properly. Jiwon looked like he was about to start panicking again but this time Junhoe didn't care. "You're friends with my ex. Hasn't he told you stories of how trash I am?"

" _Was_ friends. And he did but it backfired, it just...you know."

"I don't."

"Made me like you more. You're endearing trash."

"Oi," Junhoe seethed, glaring at Jiwon who blinked and looked absolutely terrified. Jesus, Junhoe actually found him quite adorable. "Only _I'm_ allowed to call me trash. And you've got all the choices in the world, man, don't chase someone who's got their heart closed off from the world."

Junhoe subtly swallowed when Jiwon's eyes grew sad, his lips parting with no words for a moment like they were letting out a silent begging sigh of 'please', and then he was lowering his gaze and murmuring, "Then, is that a no?"

"That's what you got from that? I'm trying to tell you to go for someone else."

"I don't want someone else."

"I haven't done anything special."

"Not in itself," Jiwon muttered, letting go of Junhoe's hand as he took a step closer and Junhoe wondered if he should back up but he stayed where he was, body cold but insides warm as his hand still tingled from where he ended up shoving it in his pocket. "You were just yourself. Sure, that wouldn't mean anything to you or maybe even anyone else, but it does to me."

And Junhoe actually caved. He had to when his heart was going wild from what were probably the sweetest words he had ever heard, and all he did was take the spray can back and pull out a marker from his pocket, tearing the lid off with his teeth before writing right onto the shiny metal of the can his phone number and the words _'text me, but only a place and date. if i see any sweet nothings/pick-up lines on my phone then i'll smack you into oblivion'._

Then Junhoe was walking back and throwing the can at Jiwon, ignoring the small 'ouch' as he turned around and let out a huge breath, closing his eyes for a moment as he slung an arm over his stomach which was starting to feel an odd way - it wasn't nauseous but fluttering, full of motion and Junhoe just wanted it to _stop._ He didn't stop walking at any point, wanting to get as far away from the source of his torture as possible, and he was so focused that he didn't even notice the smitten smile settling on his lips.

This wasn't fair. He didn't want to fall in love. Not again.

 

 

 

 

The first kiss was something that Junhoe would probably never forget.

It only happened because he was tired and weak. Too weak to fight off his love mode. Too weak to fight the way Jiwon's smile made him feel. He tried to stop Hanbin from texting Jiwon to tell him what was going on because he didn't need to be burdened with this, he should stay happy and oblivious because Junhoe _knew_ that Jiwon would go into crazy-panic mode at the single thought of Junhoe being hurt, but he was too pained to put Hanbin in a headlock meaning he was too late to stop the text that read: _'come over, idiot. junhoe got into a fight for you.'_

Junhoe had won, in the end, and he knew that he was going to or he wouldn't have started it. He would never get his ethereal face bruised up for a lost cause. And yes, maybe Junhoe had too much of a god complex and he had started to realise that things were going very wrong once the other guy actually got a good punch in and then his cronies were getting in on it, but Hanbin jumped in the instant that happened, yelling ferociously, 'HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF A FAIR FIGHT, YOU FUCKWADS' and him and Junhoe came out on top without question. But Junhoe had got the brunt of it as his ribs hurt, his lungs were gasping for more than he could give them and he just wanted to curl into himself and do something that would defy everything he stood for: give in to being weak.

Junhoe muttered a small mixture of a farewell and an impression of reluctant gratitude just as Hanbin left, and then he closed his eyes, relishing in solitude and his soft blankets and the soft hand stroking his head- wait, what?

"Hey," a voice whispered and all Junhoe could do was groan softly, flopping his head onto his pillow as he tried to stop his favourite laugh ever from reaching his ears. Junhoe didn't want this, he never wanted someone like Jiwon to see him in this sort of state but one moment he was lying flat on his face and the next, he was lying on his back while Jiwon looked at him woefully and padded at the slightly cut lip that wouldn't stop bleeding with a tissue. Junhoe winced, raising his hand to encircle Jiwon's wrist as he rasped, "Stop. You're doing it too hard."

Jiwon immediately pulled back, looking so regretful. "Sorry."

"S'okay. You're trying."

And Junhoe smiled a little when he saw the light blush touch up Jiwon's face like it belonged there, almost laughing when Jiwon coughed and nodded almost frantically, throwing the tissue into the waste bin and getting ready with another one. "I do. I try very hard, when, when...it comes to you."

"Don't you want to call me stupid? Don't you want to yell at me?" Junhoe asked in a small voice, his desperation for reciprocation lingering in the air as Jiwon stayed quiet for a moment, not looking at Junhoe. Then Junhoe was closing his eyes as gentle hands brushed through his hair and dabbed at the cut on his forehead, far gentler than before and Junhoe felt warmth settle deep within him even through the small spurts of pain.

"I just want you to get better."

"He was trying to rile me up. See how far things would go 'til he pushed all my buttons. People find it fun to see me get angry, you know."

Jiwon nodded and the dabbing and fixing had stopped now and there were only hands through Junhoe's hair, gentle touches to his jaw and cheek, and Junhoe was getting distracted.

"He- he pulled out the dealbreaker at the end."

"Me?"

"You."

Jiwon shook his head, barely holding back a euphoric smile as he pulled his wandering hands back at Junhoe's warning look. "I can't believe I'm a dealbreaker. For you. Christ, I want to be upset because you're in pain but you got into a damn _fight_ for me. I've literally never heard of something more romantic, and it came from Koo Junhoe? My whole life is the best movie ever."

"Wow, are you kidding me-"

"But don't get me wrong, idiot, my heart's still breaking seeing that you put yourself in danger for such a stupid reason so don't ever do it again."

"That's better. Thank you."

Jiwon smiled, both of them sharing a look of mutual understanding for a moment before Jiwon's hands reached out to take one of Junhoe's limp ones, kissing the fingertips gently and Junhoe bit his lip lightly as he weakly tried to tug his hand out of Jiwon's hold but he was physically lacking and emotionally, he didn't want to. And a little while later when Jiwon had wrapped him up warm and carried him over to the sofa (which had actually been Junhoe's request but he didn't expect Jiwon to _do it_ ), just before he laid Junhoe down, their eyes met and Junhoe felt his breathing grow laboured as his body was pressed up close to Jiwon's and he could feel his heat and...he didn't want to push him away.

_"Junhoe, why do you never let me kiss you?"_

_"Because I don't want you falling in love with me."_

But Junhoe had the feeling that Jiwon had already done that.

"Hey," Junhoe said, trying to sound tough as he smacked Jiwon's chest lightly and Jiwon let out a flat, sarcastic 'ow'. "Put me down, I'm heavy."

"Not in my opinion."

"Your arms are trembling."

"With affection."

Junhoe grimaced, but the smile Jiwon was giving him was so playful and bright that the warmth from it was seeping into Junhoe's veins and slowly, Junhoe raised a hand and pressed it to the side of Jiwon's face and that was the first time Junhoe could feel that Jiwon's skin was really as soft as it looked. Jiwon jolted a little in surprise, his face heating up and Junhoe felt entranced in a way that he hadn't quite felt before.

"Jiwon."

"Junhoe."

"You...you're stupid. For being here. I don't want- I don't want you to want to be here."

Jiwon frowned in confusion, looking up as he mouthed Junhoe's words to himself slowly before finally realising what they meant. "Why not?"

"It's one of those things, where I want better for you-"

"You know what, for once, I'm not gonna let you finish speaking. I don't care what you want for me because I want _you_ so shut your mouth," Jiwon said firmly as he finally laid Junhoe on the couch and the tenderness in the action completely contradicted his words and Junhoe really wanted to laugh, though he ended up coughing horribly instead. Then Jiwon was crouching down on the floor, right next to Junhoe's head and the younger looked at him almost helplessly as he said, "Can you stop it?"

"Stop what?"

"Making my heart race. I don't think it's fair anymore, and I don't know what to do."

"Junhoe," Jiwon murmured, his voice a brush of harsh reality and radiant fantasy all at once as he stroked Junhoe's hair away from his face and Junhoe winced at the clear compassion. "I'm not going to hurt you."

"How do you know that?"

"I...I guess I don't. But I know that I'm never going to try to."

And Junhoe looked up right into Jiwon's eyes, those warm melted chocolate eyes and with Jiwon's hand on his face and his eyes flickering down to the elder's soft-looking pink lips, Junhoe was getting lost in a place he didn't want to be. "Hyung, um, I'm fine. You can stop hovering over me."

Jiwon's eyebrows could've shot through the roof with how high they went. "Did you just call me hyung?"

"Don't you have a basketball match today? Go get ready."

"I won't play, are you crazy? I'm staying with you, tsundere."

Junhoe scrunched his face up in displeasure and Jiwon only grinned, curling a lock of Junhoe's hair around his finger. Junhoe really hated him with his stupid smile and stupid hands that were more distracting than anything Junhoe had encountered and he was a _master_ at procrastination. And Junhoe really, _really_ hated Jiwon when his hand settled on Junhoe's neck and he leant in, purposeful but gentle, and Junhoe didn't deny him as his eyes slipped shut and he let their lips brush together with the same premise of a snowflake falling and melting into soft grass. Jiwon was always going to be the perfect thing to melt Junhoe into a puddle that would usually solidify in seconds, but then Jiwon was whispering against his lips, "You're so beautiful," and Junhoe stayed deliquesced as he pulled Jiwon closer, his heart on his sleeve but this moment was still everything.

 

 

 

 

Nothing was official for a really long time.

It was early in the night but that didn't stop the winter sky from darkening incredibly, a soft sense of purple only lingering in the sky showing that twilight was coming to a close. Jiwon was lying on his bed, earphone in one ear and a book in his hands while Junhoe lay further down, his head next to Jiwon's hip as he rested, eyes closed and fatigue in his veins. His feet were hanging off the bed but he didn't really care since it was still comfortable, and it was fun to swing them every now and then without anyone telling him to stop. But at one point he _did_ stop and opened his eyes, looking to the side and he felt his heart do crazy things.

Jiwon was wearing a crop top again. It was beautiful too, dark red and the material was thick, and his jeans were low on his hips so this time there was so much skin showing and Junhoe's chest was going to burst. He realised every now and then (whether it was when he would press up against Jiwon while kissing him in an empty classroom away from prying eyes or when he would watch Jiwon during basketball matches with his flimsy shirt that he'd sometimes tear off if he got too excited) that every curve and ridge of Jiwon's body was incredible, not perfect but still absolutely stunning.

"Jiwon."

"Junhoe."

"What is it with you and crop tops?"

Jiwon snorted as he reached down a hand to run his fingers through Junhoe's hair. "I just look good in them."

"Yeah..."

"What, you don't like it?"

"No! No, it's- I love it. You were wearing one when we first spoke and Jesus Christ, if I wasn't so upset, I would've given up the world for you right then and there," Junhoe blurted out, unaware of what was coming out of his mouth until he was finished and flushed bright red, stuffing his face into the duvet underneath him and he grimaced when he could feel Jiwon shaking next to him, showing that he was laughing and Junhoe really didn't appreciate it. But he still said a little shakily and muffledly, "Y-You should, you know...wear them more. More than inside the house and at really late supermarket shifts where barely anyone sees you."

"They're not actual _shifts,_ my mum owns the store. And _you_ see me. Who else would I want to look good for?"

"You always...okay."

"What? Come on, tell me."

"No, it's nothing."

"Alright."

"Wow."

"What?"

"That's the slowest you've ever given up to me."

"Shut up! Well...for the record, giving up to you is my favourite pastime."

"It makes me look like I control you."

"Oh absolutely, I'm a lovesick puppy at your heels but I'm perfectly okay with that."

Junhoe grimaced, punching Jiwon's leg and he felt a little satisfied at the howl of pain. Though he smoothed his hand down the spot too, because he also _didn't_ want Jiwon to be in pain - liking someone was confusing, end of. And when he raised his head again so he wouldn't suffocate, he looked at the toned, almost-golden skin by his head and he pressed a gentle kiss to it like he had wanted to for so long, and he collapsed into smiles and warmth when Jiwon made a strangled noise that could have been mistaken for a donkey.

_"What the-"_

"I'm crazy for you," Junhoe murmured as he dropped his head onto Jiwon's stomach. "Really really crazy. I don't want to be but I am. You need to know that, for- for future reference, if you're ever doubting me 'cause _I_ even doubt myself sometimes when I see how I treat you."

It was all true. Junhoe had been hell-bent on not falling in love, not when he knew _just_ how things could go wrong but here was a perfect specimen who had come at the wrong time and was instilling hope and fleeting happiness into his still healing heart. Junhoe didn't think this was going to last. He didn't think that Jiwon wouldn't hurt him eventually, so he'd push Jiwon away sometimes, like ignoring his looks or advances, blanking his cute goodnight messages, turning down date offers. They weren't dating, so why should they go on dates? That was the kind of thinking that Junhoe forced himself to have, but he couldn't always keep it up and he had given in to Jiwon one too many times by now. Like now when Junhoe was swimming in softness and if they lasted one more hour together, he'd probably end up saying 'I love you' which would scare Jiwon off forever.

Maybe that would be a good thing, in the end.

"You don't treat me badly," Jiwon said quietly as he rubbed his hand back and forth across Junhoe's neck like a massage and Junhoe let out a soft sigh. "You're just cautious, and I get that. I'm waiting for you to come to me."

Junhoe just felt worse when he heard that. He didn't deserve such an amazing person who kept on putting up with him. "You've been waiting an awfully long time."

"I think I'd end up waiting forever, if it came down to that."

After hearing that, Junhoe felt that not-nauseating fluttering fuzzy feeling in his stomach again and to try and cure it, he sat up and Jiwon's hand fell from his neck. And Junhoe wasn't thinking as he rested his arm on one side of Jiwon and hovered over the elder, ready to launch into a whole, incredible speech that would have the kings and queens of romantic poetry applauding him, but then Jiwon was smiling up at him in gorgeous, cheeky resplendence and every other word just left Junhoe's mind as he said, "Be my boyfriend."

Jiwon's smile grew wider. "It's never a question with you, is it? I either have to do something or I'm dead to you."

"I mean, usually, yeah, but...not you. Seriously, hyung, I adore you. If you tried then you could probably push me around too."

"Oh really?" Jiwon asked, having a faraway look like he was thinking of all of the things that he could get Junhoe to do and the younger frowned, saying, "Okay forget I said that, can you just answer me already?"

"Uh, it wasn't really a question, was it?"

"Please, you know what I mean..."

And the moment of vulnerability that Junhoe couldn't help but show clearly softened Jiwon up as the elder rested his hands on Junhoe's hips and pulled him down gently so they could be against each other. Junhoe's eyes widened, a small 'mph' sort of sound leaving his mouth but then Jiwon was mesmerising him by kissing his cheek, his jaw, his lips, his eyes hooded as he whispered, "Being your boyfriend would be nothing short of a miracle."

"Miracles happen when I'm around."

"You and your god-complex, honestly-"

"Am I wrong?"

Jiwon shook his head, hesitating for a moment before he slowly rested his face in the crook of Junhoe's neck, clearly sure that Junhoe would push him away but no, the younger let him, even pressing a kiss to his temple because "You don't need to tread on eggshells around me anymore. I'm yours, I promise."

"Hearing you say that...God, it's like I'm in heaven."

"Heaven's no match for this."

"How do you know that? Are you actually an angel?"

Junhoe shrugged in nonchalance, but he could only smile shyly when Jiwon pulled back and kissed his cheek again, pulling him down closer so Junhoe had the chance to whisper in his ear, "Seriously, wear crop tops in public more. You've really got to show off that body of yours."

 

 

 

 

The fact that Junhoe was 'most likely to go on a murder spree for fun' in the yearbook but also one-half of 'cutest couple of the year' was the most hilarious thing in the world.

He was looking through the yearbook at night, at his desk in his room with only a lamp on as the source of light. An almost permanent smile was etched onto his face as he looked at all of the photos and words of his classmates, and his cheeks were starting to hurt as he wondered how on _earth_ people like Jiwon could smile as much as they did if only one hour was giving Junhoe grief. The photos were incredible, since people always took what would go into the yearbook so seriously, and Junhoe had to say that the page dedicated to him and Jiwon had the best pictures. There was one of them eating lunch casually but the camera caught them holding hands under the table, and one of Junhoe carrying Jiwon in sleepy koala mode on his back while returning from the most pointless Geography trip. Though his favourite one had been taken on prom night, where Junhoe had just been crowned prom king and he was meant to do a whole show of a thing with the queen but he couldn't care less about her - instead, he brought Jiwon up on stage and this photo was taken right before they kissed in front of almost the whole school (basically the biggest 'fuck you' to the homophobes they had been dealing with for so long). They were staring into each other's eyes, a perfectly-captured beam on Junhoe's face with the lopsided crown on his head as he he had an arm around his boyfriend's waist, and Jiwon was flushing red but the blush on him just looked beautiful as he grinned back, all sorts of stars and sparkles and adoration in his eyes. Junhoe had really felt like a king at that moment, only when he had Jiwon with him.

To be fair, he regretted it afterwards when suddenly hundreds of people wanted to be involved in their relationship.

Junhoe closed the yearbook, ready to get some well-needed rest specifically for his smile muscles but then he heard small pelts of noise, like hail or hard snow was hitting his window but Junhoe had read enough romance books in his lifetime for him to go straight to the window, hesitating a little before he crouched down so his head was only peeking out a little, and then he opened the window. Sure enough, Jiwon was two floors down outside on the ground, waving wildly as he threw stones at Junhoe's window and Junhoe might've broken up with him right then and there.

"HYUNG, WHAT THE-"

"Why are you cowering?!"

"Because-" Junhoe ducked a little when a stone went flying dangerously near his ear. "I don't wanna get fucking stoned in this day and age so CAN YOU STOP THAT-"

"It's a romantic gesture!"

Junhoe growled, straightening up and catching one of the stones in his hand before flinging it angrily back at Jiwon who yelped and failing to duck away from the attack which was enough to put a satisfied smile on Junhoe's face. But then Jiwon was frowning up at him, rubbing his head and Junhoe sighed, softening up as he crossed his arms on the ledge and leant his head out of the window. "What if my parents were here?"

"You told me they were leaving at eight. I thought that was a clear invitation for me to come over!"

"Well no, it really wasn't, I just told you for the sake of conversation-"

"Baby it's really cold, _please_ open the door," Jiwon whined loudly, all pouts and rosy cheeks and Junhoe's eyes widened, his own face turning red but not from the cold as he looked from side to side to see if anyone had heard, then he was rushing downstairs and opening the door while trying to look scary even though he was absolutely winded and still very embarrassed.

"You can't just _call me that_ so loud in the middle of-"

The rest of Junhoe's words caught in his throat when Jiwon just fell onto him in a hug, cold but warm all at once and Junhoe exhaled, letting himself give in to Jiwon one more time as he kissed the guy's head and pulled him into the house.

"How are you?"

"Tired, but enamoured," Jiwon murmured, raising his head to smile at Junhoe sweetly like he hadn't just been vandalising his home with pebbles. Junhoe raised an eyebrow, pulling out of the hug so he could take Jiwon's hand and tug him up the stairs.

"Enamoured for me?"

"Always."

It was a routine, for them to fall onto a bed holding hands and facing the ceiling, keeping a respectable distance for a while until one of them was brave enough to roll over and break it. Holding hands was like a mantra for them, a sort of glue to keep them close and together when they weren't sure where their emotions lied.

"So school's over."

"It is."

"I've missed you."

"I saw you a few hours ago..."

"But, you left," Jiwon muttered sadly and Junhoe froze. "Why? Why did you storm out on me after graduation?"

Junhoe looked down, knowing that he would rather do anything than answer that question but Jiwon's grip on his hand was firm, showing that he was there to listen, he was there to understand. "I realised something."

"What's that?"

It was Junhoe's turn to lessen the distance now. He closed his eyes and rolled over, right into Jiwon's chest and his emotions levelled out as Jiwon slung an arm around him and nosed his hair softly, brushing his lips against the younger's skin every now and then like it was second nature. Junhoe shivered, wondering why Jiwon was being so bold but he adored it, he _wanted_ to be treasured like he meant the world to at least someone.

"Jiwon."

"Junhoe."

"I'm in love with you."

Jiwon instantly stilled, all of his gentle caresses pausing as Junhoe opened his eyes and stared back into Jiwon's wide, disbelieving ones. He knew that the elder was trying to be careful but he was so clearly a firework of joy almost ready to go off.

"R-Really?"

"What...what it all comes down to is the fact that, I can't help it anymore. I can't help wanting to love you and I can't help being in love with you because you're too much for me to be able to handle and, because I can't handle you, you've done all sorts of things like infect my mind and soul and heart and I can't get you _out_ and I guess, I'm realising that I don't want to. I really...really want to be in love with you."

"Oh...oh wow," Jiwon whispered, eyes shining though he squeezed them shut as he hugged Junhoe close to him to help his emotions and Junhoe let him, reaching out a hand to follow the curve of Jiwon's cheek gently since he still didn't like watching his boyfriend go through _this_ much stress over something like this. "I...I can't, I don't know what to-"

"You better be in love with me too, I'm downright perfection. Also, would you ever find anyone else who would put up with you trying to recreate an outdated, stone-aged, hazardous cliché? I think the answer you're looking for is no."

"Okay, we all get it, you're the next Messiah," Jiwon snorted, eyes still glassy as he opened them and tried to say something else but Junhoe caught his lips before he could, just for a moment and even if Junhoe had the biggest god complex ever heard of, Jiwon's lips against his was the true meaning of celestial, in the end. Ethereality couldn't touch what they had, and Junhoe had taken far too long to realise that.

"I can't believe it."

Junhoe blinked up at Jiwon, confused from being pulled out of his thoughts. "What?"

"I've been crushing on you for years, and just... you're finally noticing me," Jiwon said, grinning and his smile held a foreign mixture of sadness and triumph, and Junhoe couldn't bear to look at it as he dropped his gaze and rested a hand against Jiwon's chest.

"I thought as much. And this isn't arrogance talking or anything, I just- you gave off signs very easily. Staring at me sometimes, or, most times. Calling me a beautiful mess. Taking every opportunity to say hi and only hi. I just chose to ignore what it all meant."

"Well, ignorance is bliss."

"No, _this_ is bliss," Junhoe mumbled under his breath, kissing Jiwon's chin and he only shook his head when Jiwon asked him to repeat what he said. "You won't hurt me. You won't let me go. You'll, you'll stay."

"I can't hear you, sweetheart," Jiwon murmured and Junhoe couldn't care less, ready to fall asleep in Jiwon's arms but then the elder's distracting hands were back at it again under his jaw and through his hair and even under his shirt and before Junhoe could lazily bat them away, Jiwon held onto Junhoe’s hips, his now-warmed fingers brushing over the soft skin slowly as he pulled the latter closer and Junhoe was pretty sure that this was illegal with how much it was affecting him and his heart.

"We'll be okay, won't we?"

"I think," Junhoe muttered, stroking his hand very gently up and down Jiwon's chest just because he could, "being okay is our comfort zone."

Of crop tops and god complexes, fate had worked its magic and finally done something right.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> hello hello so after i got the idea for this it was kinda fuelled by that one time bobby was in a crop hoodie and also me getting into a fight (I have a GOOD REASON I PROMISE) and my lip is all bust up too so junhoe i relate. also i didn't realise until now but look at the lyrics of 'adore you' oh my god it fits so well: 'you're a good person to me so don't come any closer' + 'the closer i get the more i swallow my heart' + 'can't we just ignore each other's feelings?' wow maybe I should just rename this whole thing adore you
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this! the sneak peek got traction on twitter and i was thinking 'omg guys stop it's really not going to be that good' and here we are. a huge thank you to 13cmKONIC just for the really soft conversations, mochi you're literally the reason I wanted to write this, eres la mejor y j'espère que tu sais à quel point je t'apprécie~
> 
> okay I should go now, have a nice day!!


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